I need answers
Fri Dec 29, 2006 12:37 am
I've been mulling this over in my head for goodness how long and, even though I'm going to tell my doctor all about when I see him in January, I still long for answers as to what is going on in my head. It doesn't seem to make any sense. It doesn't seem rational; I even feel it's got a sort of paranormal feel to it. Let me explain:
Date: 30th November 2006
Me, my mom and brother went out at around 6pm to a town a few miles out of the town we live in. We did some shopping, got a KFC and brought it home to eat. We got back around 8:30pm. When I got back home, I felt depressed. It was a bad bout this time and it was worrying me. I felt awful. I was thinking about death and was just feeling like a really bad person. Then, at about midnight, it shifted just like that; as though a switch had been pushed, and I suddenly felt happy. Exstatic, euphoric, whatever you want to call it. I felt confident and felt as though...I don't know, I was a decent person and that everyone should look up to me instead of down. My thoughts were all about me doing something heroic or that I'd done something so great that everyone would look up to me for years to come. Of course, I knew it wouldn't happen, but I imagined it too and the whole feeling of being happy and excited and having good thoughts about myself was just overwhelming. Then the hallucinations started. I was seeing black shadows on the floor, that were moving, in the corners of my eyes. I felt a presense behind me, like some sort of demon was there, because I kept seeing large shadows behind me. After about half an hour, I became sure that there was some sort of demon behind me and that it was watching me. I eventually overcame my fears and realised that there was nothing there.
Date: 18th December 2006
Me, my mom and my dad went to the town again, at around 4:30pm. Got back around 6:30. It was evening, just like before. I didn't eat at KFC this time. In fact, we didn't eat at all, just did some shopping and bought a new oven because our old one had broken. When I got back, I felt depressed again and felt like a bad person. At midnight, it shifted. I felt happy, but it was a weird happy. I felt confident, bubbly, excited and was very talkative, not using my voice, but using IM's. My friend later admitted to me that he found it hard to keep up with what I was saying because I kept changing subjects a lot. Then, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Those things again, those black shadows darting across the floor just like before. Shadows behind me, the feeling that there was another presence in the room.
What I find so odd is that the same thing happened TWICE. Exactly the same. Went to town in the evening, got depressed when I got back, then got really happy and then started seeing things.
I know this all sounds ludicrous and you honestly don't have to believe me if you don't want to. I understand if this it too much for you to get your head around and I guess some of you think I'm making it up for attention. I don't blame you for that. You aren't bad people for thinking that. I've posted about this on other forums and to other people and nobody knows what to think. I just...really long for some answers because these two incidents have really begun to freak me out.
Thanks.
Date: 30th November 2006
Me, my mom and brother went out at around 6pm to a town a few miles out of the town we live in. We did some shopping, got a KFC and brought it home to eat. We got back around 8:30pm. When I got back home, I felt depressed. It was a bad bout this time and it was worrying me. I felt awful. I was thinking about death and was just feeling like a really bad person. Then, at about midnight, it shifted just like that; as though a switch had been pushed, and I suddenly felt happy. Exstatic, euphoric, whatever you want to call it. I felt confident and felt as though...I don't know, I was a decent person and that everyone should look up to me instead of down. My thoughts were all about me doing something heroic or that I'd done something so great that everyone would look up to me for years to come. Of course, I knew it wouldn't happen, but I imagined it too and the whole feeling of being happy and excited and having good thoughts about myself was just overwhelming. Then the hallucinations started. I was seeing black shadows on the floor, that were moving, in the corners of my eyes. I felt a presense behind me, like some sort of demon was there, because I kept seeing large shadows behind me. After about half an hour, I became sure that there was some sort of demon behind me and that it was watching me. I eventually overcame my fears and realised that there was nothing there.
Date: 18th December 2006
Me, my mom and my dad went to the town again, at around 4:30pm. Got back around 6:30. It was evening, just like before. I didn't eat at KFC this time. In fact, we didn't eat at all, just did some shopping and bought a new oven because our old one had broken. When I got back, I felt depressed again and felt like a bad person. At midnight, it shifted. I felt happy, but it was a weird happy. I felt confident, bubbly, excited and was very talkative, not using my voice, but using IM's. My friend later admitted to me that he found it hard to keep up with what I was saying because I kept changing subjects a lot. Then, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Those things again, those black shadows darting across the floor just like before. Shadows behind me, the feeling that there was another presence in the room.
What I find so odd is that the same thing happened TWICE. Exactly the same. Went to town in the evening, got depressed when I got back, then got really happy and then started seeing things.
I know this all sounds ludicrous and you honestly don't have to believe me if you don't want to. I understand if this it too much for you to get your head around and I guess some of you think I'm making it up for attention. I don't blame you for that. You aren't bad people for thinking that. I've posted about this on other forums and to other people and nobody knows what to think. I just...really long for some answers because these two incidents have really begun to freak me out.
Thanks.
Fri Dec 29, 2006 12:47 am
This sounds a lot--in fact, eerily similar--like what has been happening to me for a few years. I've been to about 287692679863 [slight exxageration] doctors/shrinks about it, and recieved hugely mixed diagnoses, ranging from Manic-depressive [bipolar] disorder to Schizophrenia to Multiple Personality Disorder, and everyhting in between.
I did a lot of independant research about all of the diagnoses, and the only one that really makes sense--and about which I'm quite sure at this point--is Borderline Personality Disorder.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline ... y_disorder
It..pretty much explains everything for me. I may not have the greatest understanding of your symptoms, but I encourage you to point out where I've gone wrong if that's the case and I'll do my best to help.
I did a lot of independant research about all of the diagnoses, and the only one that really makes sense--and about which I'm quite sure at this point--is Borderline Personality Disorder.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline ... y_disorder
It..pretty much explains everything for me. I may not have the greatest understanding of your symptoms, but I encourage you to point out where I've gone wrong if that's the case and I'll do my best to help.
Fri Dec 29, 2006 6:20 am
The part about seeing darting shadows, and believing you saw demons, makes them sound an awful lot like psychotic episodes--which unfortunately doesn't connect the episodes with anything in particular. Psychotic episodes are connected with regular illnesses like the flu, with mental illnesses, and with drugs(either prescribed or recreational).
It might be that there was some sort of trigger caused by going into town, which set you into that pattern, but whatever it is, it sounds very serious and I'm glad you're going to tell your doctor when you see him. However, if you have another, that might call for you to see him even sooner. Psychotic episodes can be extremely dangerous, causing you to do things you wouldn't even think of doing normally. I don't know if there's anyone you'd feel comfortable asking to come and stay with you during one of these experiences(if you should have another one), but it would ensure that you don't do anything you'd regret later, and that person could possibly point out unusual behaviors you could tell your doctor about.
I hope the suggestion of a psychotic episode doesn't offend you or anything. I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it could be true, and while I haven't exactly had a psychotic episode, I do understand how it feels to become absolutely convinced that something terrible and supernatural is happening. It's not the sort of thing that automatically banishes you to an asylum, but it is a problem that needs to be addressed.
It might be that there was some sort of trigger caused by going into town, which set you into that pattern, but whatever it is, it sounds very serious and I'm glad you're going to tell your doctor when you see him. However, if you have another, that might call for you to see him even sooner. Psychotic episodes can be extremely dangerous, causing you to do things you wouldn't even think of doing normally. I don't know if there's anyone you'd feel comfortable asking to come and stay with you during one of these experiences(if you should have another one), but it would ensure that you don't do anything you'd regret later, and that person could possibly point out unusual behaviors you could tell your doctor about.
I hope the suggestion of a psychotic episode doesn't offend you or anything. I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it could be true, and while I haven't exactly had a psychotic episode, I do understand how it feels to become absolutely convinced that something terrible and supernatural is happening. It's not the sort of thing that automatically banishes you to an asylum, but it is a problem that needs to be addressed.
Fri Dec 29, 2006 12:56 pm
Go see a doctor love. I bet 90% of the mental illness experts on this website are anything but. Contrary to what you might think at first, it is not going to be reassuring for 20 people to casually tell you it sounds like schizophrenia.
Go see a doctor.
Go see a doctor.
Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:35 pm
Requiem - I suppose the cause of my problems could be anything. Might be psychological or it might be a disease that affects my whole body, I just don't know. I do have traits of Borderline Personality Disorder but with personality disorders it's quite common for a lot of people to have traits without actually having the disorder.
Moongewl - I don't get offended when people call me psychotic, don't worry. I thought I might have had psychotic episodes too but I was fully aware of what was going on and was definitely in touch with reality - to a point at least. So I still wonder about this and also wonder why I had the exact same mood swings - depression and then happiness within a matter of hours.
St. Nick - So far, no one has told me I may have Schizophrenia, and yes, I will see a doctor about my problems. You can guarantee it. I'll be seeing him again in January.
Moongewl - I don't get offended when people call me psychotic, don't worry. I thought I might have had psychotic episodes too but I was fully aware of what was going on and was definitely in touch with reality - to a point at least. So I still wonder about this and also wonder why I had the exact same mood swings - depression and then happiness within a matter of hours.
St. Nick - So far, no one has told me I may have Schizophrenia, and yes, I will see a doctor about my problems. You can guarantee it. I'll be seeing him again in January.
Fri Dec 29, 2006 2:32 pm
The shadows on the floors are ninjas. Duh!
...Just kidding. I agree with Nick on this one; a doctor will give you the best advice.
...Just kidding. I agree with Nick on this one; a doctor will give you the best advice.
Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:06 am
Getting enough sleep? Eating enough fruit and vegetables? Any other deficiency in your diet? Are you a dirty vegitarian? Get back on the meat-wagon and get some protein and iron if you are. Taking multi-vitamins? Buy a self-confidence book and have a go at raising your self-esteem.
You're not mental though.
And like there was any chance no one would agree with me anyway
You're not mental though.
And like there was any chance no one would agree with me anyway
Sat Dec 30, 2006 12:48 pm
St Nick wrote:Getting enough sleep? Eating enough fruit and vegetables? Any other deficiency in your diet? Are you a dirty vegitarian? Get back on the meat-wagon and get some protein and iron if you are. Taking multi-vitamins? Buy a self-confidence book and have a go at raising your self-esteem.
You're not mental though.
And like there was any chance no one would agree with me anyway
Definitely getting enough sleep. Sometimes I'll sleep for 12 hours or more. I like sleep. Although I do suffer from insomnia, I find it hard getting off to sleep, but then will sleep the recommended hours after that. I don't eat a lot of fruit, but I do eat vegetables because I like them. Me and my mom have a varied diet. We like our chocolate, but we also eat a lot of healthy things, too. Nope, I'm not a vegetarian. I'll eat chicken, pork and beef but not lamb though. Never lamb. I'm not taking multi-vitamins. I should have a go and see if they do anything good to me ^^ And I do have a really low self-esteem, yes. That's one of the things that's really hard to change, but I'm getting there slowly. My confidence has improved.
Heh, thanks for the reassurance ^^ And thanks to everyone who posted. I might keep you all updated on this as I'll be seeing professionals about my problems.