The following Really Long Thing is a review of the 2004 movie, The Phantom of the Opera. It is chock full o' spoilers. Be warned!
Okay, I was introduced to good ol' POTO at an early age watching Wishbone. Granted, I don't remember much of the Wishbone version save Wishbone's name was Raoul, he had a sort of British accent, and there was some guy playing an organ who vaguely resembled Darth Vader minus the helmet. (We're talking original series, folks!)
Oh, and one line. "I must play my requiem!"
Now that's what stuck in my head. I had no idea what one was, but it still sounded cool and kind of sad. Skip forward to this April - In passing the one-dollar movie theatre, we figure it'd be cool to see Phantom of the Opera. It's got to be better when there's no conveniently dog-sized cage popping up from the floor, after all! I didn't immidiately realize it would be a musical, but the minute I did I was hooked.
Let's start from the beginning, though. We begin with an artsy, black-and-white film of the ruins of the operahouse, and an auction of the items within, attended by a truly pathetic number of people. One of these is referred to as the Vicomte, another as something Giry. The Vicomte buys a monkey music box, sings sadly to it, and the chandelier (Lot 666, hm, could that possibly be foreshadowing?) is unveiled, blasting us back in what must be the most awesome special effects since... something really cool.
I am a sucker for musicals. I could probably sit through Oklahoma without complaint. By the time the finishing notes of "Think Of Me" sounded I was so absorbed I forgot the chocolate my mom was passing between me, Tharkun, and my aunt.
Note: Think Of Me is the first song. Unless you could Raoul's little tidbit in the prologue, which I later found out they cut a line or so from.
Angel of Music was pretty cool. It sounded like Meg might be dubbed, but no. Interestingly, someone *was* dubbed, but it wasn't her. Unfortunately, it hit with me on a few too many personal levels that I won't get into. All I can say is, goodagood, but I prefer the "less yammering, more singing' they have in the play version.
Gerard Butler, the Phantom (or 'Gerik')'s preformance was outstanding. From what I gather, he's not so experienced a singer as Michael Crawford - honestly, I enjoyed the way he sometimes
said his lines that ought to have been sung, because he did it with such emotion. The title theme, Phantom of the Opera, remains my favourite song in the musical to this day, and I like the visuals just about as much. Expecially the candelabras, which I'm told don't work so well in the stage version.
Emmy Rossum (Christine) was obviously more experienced, but she managed to portray an innocent young woman who had been put under the spell of some mysterious 'angel'.
Music of the Night. Totally blew me away. The visuals might have gotten... a little... interesting at times: As Cleolinda, author of the "Phantom of the Opera In 15 Minutes" said: "At this point, Christine is touched by an angel. Of music. A lot."
But that was all really well-acted fondling.
Plus he sang like an angel. I was very happy.
After Music Of the Night comes the scene in which Meg goes to find out where the heck her friend's gone. For those of you unexperienced with Phanfic, Meg is a surprisingly major character. For those of you who have not read so much about Meg and the Phantom and overcoming unrequeited love - you are lucky, make an effort not to.
Anyway, as I was saying! Once more Cleolinda sums it up pretty well for the next bit of non-musical scenes, so I'll use her script.
MEG: Christine? You in here? Hey… what’s with the mirror? It’s… a door… and it’s a two-way mirror…! Well, clearly I have got to track down this pervert even though I’m still in my tutu.
[The passage looks nothing like the one Christine saw. In fact, it’s kind of dark and slimy.]
A RAT: Hey, baby.
MEG: AHHHHHHHHHH!
MADAME GIRY: Marguerite! You weel leave ze passazh alone, please!
MEG: But Christine is missing! And there’s this total peeping Tom mirror door thing, and she’s probably been kidnapped by some stalky jerkwad!
MADAME GIRY: And… your point ees…?
And I'll note, the next Cleolinda-condensed scene was supposed to be sung and wasn't for the most part, as I later discovered, and to my annoyance.
BUQUET THE STAGEHAND: …And in the book, he’s got a hole where his nose ought to be, and his hands are cold and he’s like a cadaver all over!
As to what he looks like in the movie! Well. We'll get to that later.
Christine awakens in the Phantom's underground lair. She's singing. Always a plus! And now, the moment you've all been waiting for - oh dear, the playgoers know better. Yes, she unmasks the Phantom! But we don't get to see that side of his face. Many people were disappointed by this, but it makes perfect sense. Many versions reveal him far too soon, and this way, the suspense is heightened.
Plus, it makes for a cool song number. REALLY COOL. Eat your heart out, lawyers, this one has three curse words! And it rocks.
Buuut... there's another line that ought to be sung and isn't. That was a letdown, it could have totally worked.
At this point, we have a sort of flashback-flash-forward... thing. Back to the black-and-white world of 1919 we go! There are a lot of these throughout the movie, and they're kind of annoying.
In a sort of creepy, sort of cool flashback to 1970 via the elderly Raoul's eye, we are brought to a scene that I could have sworn was choreographed differently when I saw it in theatres. That, or I have images from the Twelfth Night movie imprinted on my brain concerning nude female staues.
Notes: It's a song. And it actually got people laughing. You have to be real good for that, because usually people are too busy saying, "Wait, so is that one guy a few scenes ago deformed or something?"
The first time you see it, it seems like there are more notes, so it's funnier. Once you've read the script and listened to it a few jillion times, it's actually kind of serious. Wierd. Still, good for a few chuckles when they say:
Managers: Far too many notes for my taste!
And most of them about Christine!
All we've heard since we came
Is Miss Daae's name--
Mme. Giry: Miss Daae has returned.
Firmin's voice melding into the Phantom's wasn't as smooth as it could be, but pretty cool. Plus, I love the Phantom's voodoo dolls and Opera Playhouse Of Crazy. They're so very him.
Directly afterwards come Primma Donna, the introduction to which is hilarious. Just watch it. Primma Donna, as it is, was very good, pretty much flawless. The GIANT HOOP SKIRT floating down for Carlotta to wear was really scary, though.
The next bit is confusing to my friends who haven't been born and raised watching musicals. One friend can never tell whether they're singing because they're in an opera in the musical or just because they're in a musical. Rest assured, this is an opera and Carlotta does not normally strut around the stage dressed as a Giant Poodle Lady with her perverted husband. (It seems she normally does this
offstage.)
Il Muto seems to be about a giant pink poodle-lady who may or may not be having an affair with a page boy who may or may not be an actual boy, played by an actual girl (Christine). People watching the movie who have never seen a real opera tend to make a note not to start going now. We know that the Phantom is going to wreak havoc on the show because we have seen him playing with his Opera Dollhouse of Crazy.
Raoul is sitting in Box Five. We know this because they always shoot that box from the same goldang'ed angle. (Which is actually pretty clever.) It's sad that they didn't give the Phantom an opportunity to taunt people in Box Five like in the book, but honestly, that would be impossible to work in a play and this movie is based off the play.
So the Phantom interrupts Carlotta's pretty little song and roars about how Box Five is full. Raoul is all, "Ooops." At this point Joseph Buquet begins to follow the Phantom, having seen him not only up by the chandelier roaring about Box Five, but switching Carlotta's throat spray with something butt-nasty.
Tharkun: *about Buquet* Who's that?
My mom: Shh. Vic.
Let's see if Carlotta notices the change in throat spray.
CARLOTTA: *spritz spritz* It taste-a little different tonighta, but—AHHHHOOOOAAAAACKKKKUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHA!
CAST OF IL MUTO: Flee the stage! Run for your lives!
Well, that's one thing that ought to remain in every version! EVERYONE wants to see Carlotta croak. Unfortunately, she just... croaks. Like a toad, as opposed to like that guy playing cat-and-mouse with the Phantom.
Joseph Buquet is noosed, falls dead onto the stage. There is general pandemonium.
FIRMIN: No panicking and no refunds! What, are you going to let a little
murder get in the way of your high culture? SIT BACK DOWN!
Christine drags Raoul up to the roof of the operahouse. It would have been really easy to have Apollo instead of the Giant Pegasi Statues, but they look really cool, so I'm not complaining. Again, Cleolinda can explain what happens here best.
RAOUL: Why did you drag me up here?
CHRISTINE: Because the Phantom will kill you if he sees you with me!
RAOUL: Oh, shpfff. There’s no Phantom.
[The Phantom who does not exist is watching them from behind a statue.]
RAOUL: YOU MUST BE TRAUMATIZED. TELL ME YOU ARE TRAUMATIZED.
CHRISTINE: Well, there was that whole murder thing just now.
RAOUL: Atta girl! I will love you and marry you and hold you and protect you and spend my whole life keeping you AWAY FROM HIM.
CHRISTINE: Awww! That’s so sweet.
THE PHANTOM: GRRRRRRRRR.
CHRISTINE: What was that?
RAOUL: I don’t know and I don’t care.
[Raoul and Christine kiss.]
THE PHANTOM [sobbing]: I will have my revenge!
[A lot.]
THE PHANTOM [sniffling]: Okay, now you’re just rubbing it in.
But seriously folks. This is an awesome scene, and I HATE romance scenes, at least the ones that don't involve angelic voices, fondling, Darkness Unending, lions, or Punjab Lassos. What is more awesome is the reprise just a bit later. The Phantom's practically crying, and I belive the first time, I cried with him. Then he goes all Ranarron, which is awesome. If you don't know who Ranarron is... he's a vengeful character who acts a bit like the Phantom.
Aaaand then, we go back to the future, to 1919 where Methusulah Raoul is being angsty and couples are smooching. The diamond necklace the smoochy couple looked at turns into AWESOME FIREWORKS. Oh hey, we're in 1870 again! Looking spiffy!
Yes, we are at the Bal Masque. Playgoers squeal in anticipation at this point. The choreography kicks butt; I only wish they could have been a little more creative with costume design and show Madame Giry's mask, which is a fan, which has her face on it, for more than an eighth of a second.
Forgot to mention. The guy dancing in the middle of the stairase is hot.
Christine and Raoul are at it again; they're not singing lines to which the music is playing behind them! These one rhyme so obviously it kind of hurts. Oh, and they've got a secret engagement - just like the book! Christine seems to be under the misconception that it will remain secret if she hides the ring in her cleavage.
There are lots of funny, drunk people because there aren't as many sophisticated types going to the movies as there are in theatre, so people would just be confused by the dance number here originally. This is a pity, it could have been really cool.
Suddenly, the lights go all dark, the music says, "Oh dear! Our colour coordination is shot!" and the Red Death walks in. I had always thought it was girls who were supposed to wear skimpy costumes; that's what this mask is. I much prefer the one in all other versions and all its variants, because Gerard Butler's lip is pulled up by this mask and he looks a little like a killer rabbit.
However, the wooden footsteps sounding down the staircase of doom are absolutely delicious - and he's not wearing those sissy shoes with little ribbons on them! I love this song. Lovelovelove. Unfortunately, most people cut it out of Masquerade. Also, it turns out he is combining the words from this song and another which got cut out of the movie due to repitition and time limits. Which is fine with me, actually, because.... I was seriously wondering if he was going to gut Piangi then and there, and it felt wonderful.
The Red Death nabs Christine's sparkly engagement ring, and Raoul, who had seemingly chickened out and ran earlier, returns with a sword! The Red Death turns into a burst of flame and red smoke, which is probably the second-coolest special effect here, and Raoul follows through the trapdoor in the middle of the stairs. Here he falls into a hall of mirrors--
Raoul: It's more of a small room, actually.
--And the Phantom taunts him --
Phantom: Ha ha!
But Raoul swings and misses over and over. They could have used an iron tree at this point, but let's not go there quite yet.
Madame Giry busts him out of there before he gets noosed or nooses himself, and in a McGonnagalish fashion tells him the backstory.
Apparently the Phantom was a little kid once. Big relevation. And he was in this freakhouse, and he was one ugly little sucker. So after getting a rib or two cracked and his monkey doll stepped on, he finds this piece of rope and strangles a dude. Little Madamoiselle Giry helps him escape to the operahouse, where he lives ever since. Note that the Rozy Hours of Mazenderan are never mentioned; but, then again, neither is the Punjab Lasso.
In this next flash-forward, Raoul's still ugly and the monkey music box is still creepy. Now they have Bambi prancing alongside! (Seriously folks, that deer was an awesome effect.)
The next scene, leading up to the Graveyard and Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again, is excecuted very well, and much more smoothly than in the play. It has a pleasantly eerie and lifeless feel to it, even when the Phantom clocks the driver.
Here's one of the songs which makes me cry every time, Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again. This, too, goes onto personal levels, but I think it would even if it didn't go onto those levels. I still can't sing along without tearing up.
Then, there is a very simple but INCREDIBLY COOL special effect... the Daae tomb glows. The doors slowly open. And you can hear the Angel of Music singing...
Now waitaminute, didn't she fall for this before? Come on, girl, you fell in love with this guy's voice! But she fell in love with the
angel's voice, and it's the same one. Raoul runs up, she snaps out of it, and in the Dramatic Leap Of the Decade, the likes of which have not been seen since Lion King, the Phantom is swordfighting. The swordfight was very cool, but for the ending. Raoul is a sailor boy who's afraid of heights, can't even keep his hand at the level of his eyes for prolonged amounts of time, and doesn't know his opponent. The Phantom is a genius with an incredible amount of strength and much more experience on his bloodstained hands - he ought to have won through sheer intelligence.
Nope. Not in this genre of movie! Therefore, I prefer the play version with fireballs, or even better the book version with skulls!
There is a short song in which Raoul introduces the audience to a plan which, while we know it can't possibly work, does lead us to worry for our poor Phantom.
The next song is mostly spoken. It most definitely should not have been. Case closed, give me my play!
Oh, we also get a little snippet of the Phantom unhooking a rope and a chain and adjusting some levers. This doesn't really make sense the first time through, but at least it means he's a homicidal maniac the second!
Next, we take another visit to the lair, for a scene in which 'Gerik' says essentially, "Let's get a move on!" Unnesscessary, but cool enough to warrant its existance.
Don Juan Triumphant is a very mature opera; it's hard to belive that its creator-- well, you find that out later. In any case, it's not the magnificent piece of work in the book. It's really, really lustful. Which is actually pretty good too, now I think of it.
(Technically, we never get to see Don Juan Triumphant preformed in the book, but it's got to be awesome.)
Christine rocks as Aminta. Piangi sucks as Don Juan, but that's okay, because he gets hung in any case and the Phantom takes over. The Phantom REALLY rocks as Don Juan, and I think the hissing of some lines conveys more feeling than bellowing it all out as stage musicals are wont to do. It's a pity that you just couldn't hear them if they did it on stage this way.
My friend says that Raoul is crying during this scene. I shall watch and confirm. If he is, I may too.
Once just about everyone but the thickest of the audience has figured out that Piangi is dead and the Phantom is singing in his place, he confirms this by stealing Raoul's song. If he wasn't crying before, he is now!
Christine strokes his face as he pleads her through song to stay with him... uhoh, deja vu! Sure enough, she rips off the wig and mask and he looks pretty dang ugly in the red stage lights. Like someone who's only half-done getting their head shaved for a mohawk and they got a bit distracted and shaved their face, too. With acid.
He drops through a trapdoor, but not before crashing a chandelier.
Audience: GAWD, FINALLY.
Then he's dragging Christine Down Once More! I have to post some of the lyrics here, they're too awesome.
Down once more to the dungeons of my black despair
Down we plunge to the prison of my mind
Down that path into darkness,
deep as hell
I'm dearly hoping that doesn't turn into 'smurf', by the way. That might cut the fun short, so to speak.
And the rest is history. The Phantom nearly PL's Raoul, Christine gives him smoochies, and he cries a lot. So do most of the audience by this point. Once more he is alone, forsaking his lair and mask and the operahouse which he both made great and made... on fire.
I'll note that the above song is a bit longer than thirteen minutes, and worth every second. More, I think.
Finally, we have a flash-forward that means something, and for the last time I shall quote Cleolinda's Movies In Fifteen Minutes.
[The Flying Nun wheels the Vicomte through a cemetery to a gravestone that reads, “CHRISTINE, COUNTESS DE CHAGNY, BELOVED WIFE AND MOTHER.” She has died very recently.]
METHUSELAH RAOUL: Mmmmf.
UGLY MONKEY BOX [woefully]: *ching ching*
[He sets the ugly monkey box down at the gravestone… and notices that someone else has been there first. And left a rose. With the engagement ring tied to it.]
METHUSELAH RAOUL: MMMMF!
UGLY MONKEY BOX: OH SNAP. *ching*
Thar she be! My POTO movie review.
Note that to see the Cleolinda Phantom of the Opera in 15 Minutes, you need only click
http://www.livejournal.com/community/m15m/6231.html. After a few responses, I will review the book. Note that I have not seen the play and I am in no position to review it: I have only seen an online libretto. However, I will be reviewing the 1925 Lon Chaney version. Until then, comment, au revoir, enjoy your Phantom!
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
