Here are some of the jokes that I've made up:
"Mommy, does God use our restroom?"
"No, darling. why do you ask?"
"Well, every morning Daddy bangs on the door and shouts, "Oh, God, are you still in there?"
Reggie: We've got a new dog--would you like to come around and play with him?
Ron: Well, I don't know--does he bite?
Reggie: That's what I want to find out.
Teacher: Why do we call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Betty: Because they had so many knights(nights).
Captain: Why didn't you stop the ball?
Goalie: I thought that's what the nets were for.
Two fleas were leaving the movie theater and one said to the other: "Shall we walk or take a dog?"
Mrs. Jones: Will you join me in a cup of tea?
Mrs. Smith: I don't think there's room for both of us.
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know, but you're standing on my foot.
Teacher: Mary, can you name four animals of the cat family?
Mary: Mother cat, father cat, and two kittens.
WOW, long post! Well, I'll be adding more day by day but some days no beause I have a HUGE headache. Oh, and don't forget to rate it.
The Zaniest Jokes
Moderator: Moderators
The Zaniest Jokes
Set by Neopets_Addict
Re: The Zaniest Jokes
Mystical wrote:"Mommy, does God use our restroom?"
"No, darling. why do you ask?"
"Well, every morning Daddy bangs on the door and shouts, "Oh, God, are you still in there?"
that sounds like my house in the morning 
8/10 
If you see my sanity, get it to give me a call.
Hey, thanks, I've got more!
Boy: Are caterpillars good to eat, father?
Father: No. Whydo you ask?
Boy: You had one in your salad, but it's gone now!
Bobby: Dad, I'm too tired to do my homework.
Dad: Now, my boy, hard work never killed anyone yet.
Bobby: Well, I don't want to run the risk of being the first.
Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat.
Waiter: Just a moment, sir, and I'll cut it in two.
Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?
Customer: No.
Barber: Oh, then I must have cut through your throat.
"Will the band play anything I ask them to?"
"Certainly, sir"
"Well, ask them to play chess."
Mother Lion: Son, what are you doing?
Baby Lion: I am chasing a man around a tree.
Mother Lion: How often must I tell you not to play with your food!
Susie: Mother, what was the station our train stopped at?
Mother: I don't know--can't you see I'm reading?
Susie: Well, it's too bad, because, that's where little Benny got off.
Teacher: Bobby, can you name the four seasons?
Bobby: Salt, pepper, vinegar, and mustard.
"This pair of shoes you sold me yesterday is ridiculous. One shoe has a heel two inches shorter than the other. What am I supposed to do?"
"Limp."
Teacher: Which is farther away--Australia or the moon?
Bobby: Australia.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Bobby: We can see the moon, and we can't see Australia.
Last one today! -pants-
Should you stir your tea with your left hand or your right?
Neither--use your spoon.
Ok, I'm finally DONE! Yes, check back tomorrow!
Boy: Are caterpillars good to eat, father?
Father: No. Whydo you ask?
Boy: You had one in your salad, but it's gone now!
Bobby: Dad, I'm too tired to do my homework.
Dad: Now, my boy, hard work never killed anyone yet.
Bobby: Well, I don't want to run the risk of being the first.
Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat.
Waiter: Just a moment, sir, and I'll cut it in two.
Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?
Customer: No.
Barber: Oh, then I must have cut through your throat.
"Will the band play anything I ask them to?"
"Certainly, sir"
"Well, ask them to play chess."
Mother Lion: Son, what are you doing?
Baby Lion: I am chasing a man around a tree.
Mother Lion: How often must I tell you not to play with your food!
Susie: Mother, what was the station our train stopped at?
Mother: I don't know--can't you see I'm reading?
Susie: Well, it's too bad, because, that's where little Benny got off.
Teacher: Bobby, can you name the four seasons?
Bobby: Salt, pepper, vinegar, and mustard.
"This pair of shoes you sold me yesterday is ridiculous. One shoe has a heel two inches shorter than the other. What am I supposed to do?"
"Limp."
Teacher: Which is farther away--Australia or the moon?
Bobby: Australia.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Bobby: We can see the moon, and we can't see Australia.
Last one today! -pants-
Should you stir your tea with your left hand or your right?
Neither--use your spoon.
Ok, I'm finally DONE! Yes, check back tomorrow!
Set by Neopets_Addict
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Qanda
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Mystical wrote:Hey, thanks, I've got more!
Boy: Are caterpillars good to eat, father?
Father: No. Whydo you ask?
Boy: You had one in your salad, but it's gone now!
Bobby: Dad, I'm too tired to do my homework.
Dad: Now, my boy, hard work never killed anyone yet.
Bobby: Well, I don't want to run the risk of being the first.
Customer: Waiter, I've only got one piece of meat.
Waiter: Just a moment, sir, and I'll cut it in two.
Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?
Customer: No.
Barber: Oh, then I must have cut through your throat.
"Will the band play anything I ask them to?"
"Certainly, sir"
"Well, ask them to play chess."
Mother Lion: Son, what are you doing?
Baby Lion: I am chasing a man around a tree.
Mother Lion: How often must I tell you not to play with your food!
Susie: Mother, what was the station our train stopped at?
Mother: I don't know--can't you see I'm reading?
Susie: Well, it's too bad, because, that's where little Benny got off.
Teacher: Bobby, can you name the four seasons?
Bobby: Salt, pepper, vinegar, and mustard.
"This pair of shoes you sold me yesterday is ridiculous. One shoe has a heel two inches shorter than the other. What am I supposed to do?"
"Limp."
Teacher: Which is farther away--Australia or the moon?
Bobby: Australia.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Bobby: We can see the moon, and we can't see Australia.
Last one today! -pants-
Should you stir your tea with your left hand or your right?
Neither--use your spoon.
Ok, I'm finally DONE! Yes, check back tomorrow!
Lol, they're all equally clever and funny... hard to choose a favourite one.
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v379/qanda/qandalitsiggy.gif" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">
Heh, thanks, guys! It's hard to make them up, though.
Ok, here are some other jokes. It took me a long to time to think of them.
Customer: You said this simple gadget was foolproof. I can't see how to use it .
Shopkeeper: Then it's what it says it is. It proves you're a fool.
"Why are you jumping up and down?"
"I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle."
A woman dashed into a hardware store and asked to be served at once.
"Give me a mousetrap," she gasped. "I've got to catch a train."
"I'm sorry," said the clerk. "We haven't got anything as big as that!"
Teacher: Now, Jackie, what is the highest form of animal life?
Jackie: I think it's the giraffe.
Sorry, but today, I'm tired so I only made up a little bit. I might add more today, but maybe not.
Ok, here are some other jokes. It took me a long to time to think of them.
Customer: You said this simple gadget was foolproof. I can't see how to use it .
Shopkeeper: Then it's what it says it is. It proves you're a fool.
"Why are you jumping up and down?"
"I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle."
A woman dashed into a hardware store and asked to be served at once.
"Give me a mousetrap," she gasped. "I've got to catch a train."
"I'm sorry," said the clerk. "We haven't got anything as big as that!"
Teacher: Now, Jackie, what is the highest form of animal life?
Jackie: I think it's the giraffe.
Sorry, but today, I'm tired so I only made up a little bit. I might add more today, but maybe not.
Set by Neopets_Addict
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.:Requiem:.
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- Contact:
i already knew those from a dutch joke book... you didn't completely make them up...Two fleas were leaving the movie theater and one said to the other: "Shall we walk or take a dog?"
Mrs. Jones: Will you join me in a cup of tea?
Mrs. Smith: I don't think there's room for both of us.
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know, but you're standing on my foot.
Teacher: Mary, can you name four animals of the cat family?
Mary: Mother cat, father cat, and two kittens.
"Why are you jumping up and down?"
"I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle."
Jens wrote:i already knew those from a dutch joke book... you didn't completely make them up...Two fleas were leaving the movie theater and one said to the other: "Shall we walk or take a dog?"
Mrs. Jones: Will you join me in a cup of tea?
Mrs. Smith: I don't think there's room for both of us.
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know, but you're standing on my foot.
Teacher: Mary, can you name four animals of the cat family?
Mary: Mother cat, father cat, and two kittens.
"Why are you jumping up and down?"
"I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle."
How do you know she's dutch? Did she say or tell anyone she's dutch? Therefore if it's in another language that she doesn't know, I highly doubt she stole it from there.
If she is dutch and did steal it, my bad.
Set by Medli
I've heard most of these before... doncha hate it when you get the same joke idea as joke book writers?
I LOVE this one:
"Mommy, does God use our restroom?"
"No, darling. why do you ask?"
"Well, every morning Daddy bangs on the door and shouts, "Oh, God, are you still in there?"
and "Will the band play anything I ask them to?"
"Certainly, sir"
"Well, ask them to play chess."
Yeah. But the barber.. my brain went all "Murron alert! Murron alert!" And I had to put the Braveheart CD on, and then track 4 starts with the same 5 notes as Nightmare Before Christmas does... so now I have to watch it again. All cause of a barber joke!
I LOVE this one:
"Mommy, does God use our restroom?"
"No, darling. why do you ask?"
"Well, every morning Daddy bangs on the door and shouts, "Oh, God, are you still in there?"
and "Will the band play anything I ask them to?"
"Certainly, sir"
"Well, ask them to play chess."
Yeah. But the barber.. my brain went all "Murron alert! Murron alert!" And I had to put the Braveheart CD on, and then track 4 starts with the same 5 notes as Nightmare Before Christmas does... so now I have to watch it again. All cause of a barber joke!
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jellyoflight
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Lol, I love these two the most:
"Mommy, does God use our restroom?"
"No, darling. why do you ask?"
"Well, every morning Daddy bangs on the door and shouts, "Oh, God, are you still in there?"
and:
"Will the band play anything I ask them to?"
"Certainly, sir"
"Well, ask them to play chess."
"Mommy, does God use our restroom?"
"No, darling. why do you ask?"
"Well, every morning Daddy bangs on the door and shouts, "Oh, God, are you still in there?"
and:
"Will the band play anything I ask them to?"
"Certainly, sir"
"Well, ask them to play chess."
Whoo!
Credits to Silja for the set!